When you’re trying to make a major decision, it is wise to come up with a list of pros and cons. This advice is often extended to romantic relationships. If you are wondering whether you should break up with a boyfriend or a girlfriend, try to address your partner’s both positive and negative sides.
It often ends up being remarkably ineffective and doesn’t reflect your actual feelings about the person.
What’s bad about overthinking?
Overthinking and overanalyzing often lead to poorly made decisions. When we overthink, we tend to think more in a negative way rather than positive, which in turn makes us assume the worst and be more paranoid. Maybe it isn’t that bad, and even a somewhat beneficial thing to do if it’s for your job or some plans – to prepare Plan B for whatever may happen, but it’s not so good when it comes to relationships – older people at dating sites for mature people probably know it very well. Doubts about a partner or a situation without enough causes can easily make the relationship stressful, which in the worst case can lead to a total demise of relationships.
How can you stop it?
People are awful at predicting of emotional reactions to future events as we tend to overestimate the strength of our possible emotional responses. And this perfectly applies to our relationships.
When we think too much, it makes us unable to distinguish good and bad. No one is perfect, and if we love someone, we accept them as they are. If we can’t, well, maybe that person isn’t for us in the first place?
The other thing overthinking brings is a lot of unnecessary drama. It makes you take everything that happens too close to your heart as you keep analyzing affection and anger, building up reserves of doubt, resentment, and jealousy. You forget that relationships are a two-way thing. While setting ridiculous expectations on your partner, you forget to check yourself, satisfying your own doubt and indecision. By doing this, you hurt not only the other party but yourself too.
Of course, everyone compares their partner to other people to feel good, even if we do it unconsciously. But to go too far with it and criticize them over little things isn’t something we would want to experience on ourselves, so we shouldn’t expect the other person to like it. However patient and understanding they might be, if you can’t control yourself, sooner or later this will inevitably lead to a breakup.
When a relationship’s future is at a stake, don’t overthink it, throw away all those pros and cons! You should try to think broadly about your future when assessing the potential result of your actions.